2 Nephi 10 A lost child

I have not physically lost a child. I do have friends who have experienced the heartache of the death, stillborn birth, or miscarriage of a child, and their grief is an enduring pain which I cannot fully understand. I have also witnessed friends and family experience spiritual death due to choices that have separated them from Christ. I have felt what that separation feels like, and strive to avoid that in my daily choices. It would be very hard for me to see my own children also make those same choices, although I feel the most important thing for my children is that they are good people. I want them to love their neighbor, and I know it is my responsibility to allow them to know God. Ultimately, however, I know that the choice to follow God is theirs to make.

2 Nephi 10:2 are words of Jacob as he is reflecting his posterity. He “has been shown” that many of his children will not believe in God “nevertheless, God will be merciful unto many”. How merciful will God be to the unbelievers? That is a question that may be impossible to fully understand, but I would hope that if a person still chooses to “love thy neighbor” while being less focused on their belief in God is still living according to the light and knowledge that they have. Some of the most thoughtful, loving, and wonderful people I know are atheist or agnostic, and I admire them for their examples. I feel they will be of the people that “God will be merciful unto many.”

2 Ne 9 - To be learned

When can knowledge lead to foolishness? When can knowledge lead to wisdom? Being in academia knowledge is a constant pursuit and I am surrounded by others who are also career learners. 2 Ne 9:28-29 specifically addresses the “foolishness of men”. Learning coupled with pride inflates egos and “profiteth them not”. “But to be learned is good if they hearten unto the counsels of God.”

I have a few things figured out when it comes to parenting. I would like to emphasize the word FEW. Those few things that I do understand and do well are also specific to me, my family, and the few children I have in the particular age in which they are developing with their specific personality, and my specific personality. There is a tendency for me to think, however, that sometimes I know how to parent better than others. That I have it all figured out. That my experience, learning, and knowledge make me better at this than other people and I look around with an eye of judgement and superiority at other fathers.

But then I go home and spend more than 10 minutes with my children and I make at least 10 mistakes, going against my own superior knowledge, as my children crack through my weaknesses and I fall apart. This leads to apologies and long talks and calm prayers, thoughts, and breaks till I accept my place as a “foolish” father. I don’t have it figured out, I need help, and I need to approach every attempt with such humility or I will be ineffective at any pursuit.

2 Nephi 9:30 talks about those who are “rich as to the things of the world”. Luckily I don’t really have to worry about that :)

2 Nephi 7:1

THIS is the attitude that we need to have with our children. “Yea, for thus saith the Lord: Have I put thee away, or have I cast thee off forever? For thus saith the Lord: Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement? To whom have I put thee away, or to which of my creditors have I sold you? Yea, to whom have I sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away.”

We need to be available to our children no matter what they do, much like our Heavenly Father is available to us no matter what we do. That does not mean he condones our bad behavior or that he does not let us have consequences. As a child of God I feel fully supported in my righteous decisions and encourage to do something about my unrighteous ones.

Questions for reflections of parenting:

Do our children feel safe sharing their mistakes with us as parents?
Do our children know that they can mess up and still be loved?
How do you react to your child’s mistakes?
Do you pattern correct behavior for your children?
Are children allowed to ask why? And do you seek for them to understand?
Do your children understand boundaries, consequences, goals, set backs, failure, success, practice, patience?
Are you willing to admit to your children when you have made mistakes? Do you apologize to them?
Do your children know you love them?

2 Nephi 6: Learn and Glorify God

JAcob picks up the dialogue in chapter 6 as Nephi passes the torch to his younger brother to be the spiritual leader of the Nephites. He decides to share with the people words of Isaiah that his people “may learn and glorify the name of your God”. I love the attitude he has with the scriptures which can be difficult for our children to understand, grasp, and apply to their lives. I love the new “Come, Follow Me” program from the Church because it gives a platform that everyone can relate to from children to groups of adults. It has made out scripture study more significant as a family, and I have enjoyed the discussions during Sunday School at Church.

I also really enjoy listening and reading words of the prophets from General Conference. Their ability to interpret the scriptures and provide experiences and application and interpretation of the scriptures. Using their words has definitely made me a better father, husband, and person.

2 Nephi 5: Lessons for Peace

Nephi endured a lot. I don’t know if and when he thought he would be able to find peace, but even after settling the new land, his brother still sought to kill him, and he was only able to find peace once he left them. Unfortunately there was nothing left for him to do with his brothers and his only option was separation. But, it seems that the separation he made finally allowed him the peace that he needed. 2 Nephi 5 then has a few lessons for peace that I thought were also important to being a Father and husband

1) Walk away from conflict. I have found that when my children become irrational, upset, and beyond able to control their emotions any attempt to offer them advice, correction, or help is ineffective. At these points it is better for them to just be separate, much like Nephi found that he had to finally separate himself from his brothers.

2) Obedience to the commandments. Nephi continued to “observe to keep the judgments, and the statues, and the commandments of the Lord in all things”. A pattern of turning away from these things often occurs in moments of peace. Do not relax your relationship with the things of God when things are peaceful, maintain and continue to do the things which have brought you where you are.

3) Make a defense for your enemies. Perhaps not literally, but there are many spiritual enemies that will take advantage of times of peace. Always be mindful of your weaknesses and the danger that lurks not far behind any circumstance of peace. If we become relaxed and let our guard down, we can be spiritually weak.

4) Work. Idle hands are a devils workshop. In our world today we have continual increase of leisure time. What we do with it is important. Work can mean a number of things: practicing an instrument, sport, or talent, getting a job, doing house projects and chores, doing service. As children and parents let us often find ourselves working together.

5) The temple. Nephi built a temple. I don’t think I will ever be asked to build a temple. My duty will only be to attend. As we have times of peace, we should have more opportunity to attend the temple and be reminded of our covenants while seeking revelation. I know that I have received many promptings in the temple that have improved my family life.

2 Nephi 4

Nephi laments his sins, yet has confidence in his abilities through the atonement. Nothing has made me feel more helpless and humbled than having children. I have always wanted kids, And I have enjoyed being a father, but my idea of how fatherhood was going to be vs. how fatherhood actually is, has been starkly different. What has been the most humbling for me has been trying to affect the behavior of my children. In large part I have felt helpless in my attempts to have  a major influence on what my children do. I would like to be able to get an immediate response from my every command, and have total respect from my children for my attempts to help them navigate through life, but I realize now, that does not allow for agency. In my frustrations I have quick to anger, I have overreacted, and lost my patience. None of these things has ever helped any situation with my children, and I feel like saying “Oh wretched man that I am”. I need to rely more on my savior to help with the challenges of raising my children.

The power of choice

I have an idea of what I want when I think of the future for my children. I have expectations of how they will act, what careers they will choose, and hope they will be active participants in their faith. I wish I could see their futures, and help warn them of their future mistakes. I have a perspective that may be dated, but also comes from experiences that I know will help them. I am trying to teach them good habits, attitudes, and develop a relationship that will be helpful to them long after they leave the house.

BUT, what if they choose an entirely different path. What if they make choices that are unhealthy, irresponsible, and draw themselves away from me? It is these fears that makes me want to have more control over them. The world is a scary place that can lead to sorrow and misery, if only I could get into their bodies and help out a little bit, then they could truly be happy.

Well, that thinking is obviously impossible, naive, and perhaps harmful. I will always love my children, but I need to be prepared to love them and be a place of comfort for them even if they make unhealthy and irresponsible choices. I need to be able to trust their ability to choose, and let them know I am a safe space for them to come to regardless of theirs choices. And even if I could go through and make their choices for them, it would have no real effect on them. Making choices is the most fundamental part of being human, or being a child of God. If our choices are made for us, we have no ability to derive any sort of growth. Choices must be our own, and as much as I want to help them, giving them choice is the only way they can learn.

I wish I could sit down with Lehi while he was on his death bed as described in Chapter 1-3 of 2 Nephi and get his perspective on the disparate choices made by his sons. We get a glimpse of his feelings in these chapters as he states “it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things”,  “Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself”, “men are, that they might have joy”, and “men...are free to choose liberty and eternal life...or to choose captivity and death”. Lehi recognized the importance of choice in his posterity and ultimately prophesied and bestowed blessings to his posterity based on their choices. It must have been difficult for him to see his children make choices that caused conflict and division, but he recognized everyone needs to choose for themselves. Coercion and force do not bring happiness, only choice can do that.

1 Nephi 18:9 “they did forget”

In 1 Nephi 18, Laman and Lemuel went back to their old ways and rebelled against Nephi, Lehi, and God while sailing on the boat to the promised land. This is after so many miracles that had happened in their lives up to this point. But, why would they think to make a big deal out of the miracles that they saw? This was their life and they probably didn’t consider that other people did not see angels, have a prophet as a father and brother, and be miraculously led through the wilderness to a promised land. In fact, we do know that they were familiar with the story and significance of Moses, and perhaps this just felt like normal to them. I think we do the same thing in our lives. When I look back at my life I  can clearly see the hand of God, miracles, and spiritual blessings, but does that keep me from making mistakes, often the exact same mistakes as I made before? In many instances, no, and mostly because of the same reasons  Laman and Lemuel probably struggled. Although I have countless blessings and miracles happening in my life, I often become complacent and lazy in how I approach the challenges of being a father and husband.

In my parenting and in my marriage I have unfortunately many times “forget by what power” I have arrived where I am today, and I continue to make the same mistakes. For Laman and Lemuel, they were met with storms, angels, and powers of the Lord that prevented them from severe consequences of their mistakes. I am glad that is not how I am motivated to do better, but I am also saddened that in order for me to do better, the people around me that I have hurt have to forgive me. My actions create problems for my children and wife, and I hope they have enough patience for me to figure out how to not make the same mistakes. 

Support comes with Effort 1 NE 17

Nephi was asked to do a lot of hard things. He left his home and possessions, wandered through the wilderness, built a boat, and sailed across the sea. He had plenty of challenges along the way, but he was always met with inspiration and ability to “accomplish the thing which he has commended them”. His perspective is portrayed as positive and faithful in all these difficulties. I would never look as eating raw meat as a blessing, but he did. I have always been struck with his response to the commandment to “construct a ship, after the manner which I shall show thee”. Immediately after this instruction Nephi’s response was “Lord, whiter shall I go that I may find ore to molten, that I may make tools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?” I would like to relate an experience that I am currently having that I think fits this same pattern.

I have a teenager who can often be difficult. He is a great kid, who wants to make good choices, but his lack of maturity often leads to conflict in our family. My wife and I have sometimes been at our wits end when trying to deal with it. After a fairly troubling episode, we both felt a little helpless in our efforts to help him. But for some reason I too followed the examples of Laman and Lemuel in my response. I felt like it would all work itself out somehow, and that I wouldn’t have to devote specific effort towards the problem.. I would complain about the situation, and I did not put in a significant effort to find real solutions. In this Information Age, I do not think that answers, help, or information is very far away if we look for it. It finally dawned on me, that I need to do some research and WORK and find the tools, just like Nephi did. So I asked friends of mine that are therapists and deal with this type of problems with others, they recommended some books that I started reading, and the “construction of our ship” has begun. We are far from reaching the end of this trial, but I know that the Lord expects me to put in a more consistent effort and equip myself with the tools necessary to build a stronger family.

1Nephi 16: Guilty

A few phrases from this chapter made me reflect on feelings I have had as a parent. “The guilty take the truth to be hard” from verse 2 and “they did humble themselves before the Lord” in verse 5. The truth can be a hard pill to swallow when it is about us. It is easy for us to point out when we are right or the good decisions we have made, but when someone tells us something we need to work on it is too easy to get defensive and react aggressively. This can be especially true when it comes from someone close to us such as our spouse, but I think it can be even harder to hear from our children. My children vary in their views of authority, but mostly they do not hesitate to express their opinions. Often they are childish and based on a lack of understanding but sometimes they are honest and provide clarity on situations. I have had to swallow some pills of truth that have been offered by my children sometimes, but most often I will respond with an appeal to my authority, wrong as I may be. It is often not till I have cooled off a little bit until I can respond with clarity and apologize for my behavior.

Another exercise that I do not do enough is ask my children what I can do better as their father. I know I am not doing everything right, all I have to do to remind myself of that is to think of the times that I felt my own parents made mistakes. When I have asked, sometimes my kids don’t really tell me anything substantial, but I hope that the humility is there enough so that they can feel that they can offer me advice and I can listen and take it in, like Laman and Lemuel did here.

1 Nephi 15: Finding answers

At a certain point, after you have learned how to learn, if you lack information on how to deal with a problem, it is your fault. This is especially pertinent as it applies to parenting. In 1 Nephi 15 we have 2 attitudes toward information that are telling towards the motivations of the people involved. After hearing Lehi’s dream and vision, Nephi went to the Lord and was shown a vision that confirmed what he learned and increased his understanding on the subject. Nephi lacked the resources that we have today at our disposal for information, yet, he still went to the most reliable source he had available (prayer). As Nephi returns to see what everyone else is up to he finds Laman and Lemuel “disputing one with another” because they did not ask the Lord and find information.

When we have problems as parents and spouses, what do we do? Do we sit around and argue with our uninformed opinions “disputing one with another”. I know I will often try and argue my point of view as if it has some authority, when in reality, I have no basis for knowing these things other than what I think. Wouldn’t it be much better if I had a bit of humility and tried to find the right questions first, and then sought out those answers using the best information available?

An obvious place to go for answers was also suggested by Nephi to his brothers. In verse 11 Nephi says “Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said?—If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you”. Heavenly Father is willing to guide you towards answers but it takes effort to find those answers. Prayer, spiritual guidance, and effort will give us the best opportunity to find answers to our parental and spousal responsibilities.

Now fast forward to today. We have access to information from the ends of the earth in the palm of our hands. But still, I often think I know what is best without consulting Heavenly Father, and without diligently searching for the best answers based on other peoples experiences, scientific research, or professional guidance. Mostly when I take this erroneous approach is it is because I am lazy. I understand that it will take a significant part of my time to find and apply these answers, and what usually happens is the problem remains, and I remain in the dark as to what to do about it.

Bottom line is, don’t be lazy, find the answers, if that is what you want, or remain in lazy ignorance without them.

The Power and wrath of God

1 Nephi 14:14-15 What is the power of the Lamb of God?

When I think of the power of the Lamb of God, I immediately think of what the atonement has enabled me to do in my life. I have been able to repent and progress in my spirituality, I have been kinder, more loving, and understanding, and ultimately I have been a better person.

The only other time where the phrase “power of the Lamb of God” is used is in chapter 11 of 1 Nephi and it refers to the healing of Jesus Christ during his ministry. The power of the Lamb in verse 14 is given to the covenant people, which were also armed with “righteousness” and the “power of God”. I like to think the power of the Lamb of God is the enabling power of the atonement. The power to overcome weaknesses, sing, pain, and misery due to the fulfillment of their price through the atonement. I like to think that righteousness as the things we do that allow for us to be free and able to fulfill the plan of salvation. I think that includes being free from addictions, sin, and poverty. Righteousness enables us to be in a position of influence for good. A righteous person is trusted, healthy, clear-minded, and able. I think the the “power of God” in this verse refers to the priesthood. Having used the atonement and being enabled by righteousness we can carry out the will of God through his authority and power on Earth. These 3 things are interrelated and all build off of each other.

1 Nephi 14:2-17

This outlines a lot of information about a division between the Lamb of God and the devil and his children. I will try and outline and rearrange this information with some of my own thoughts interspersed.

1) The followers of the Lamb of God are among “the house of Israel”, and are involved in “a great and a marvelous work among the children of men.” The church of the Lamb of God is involved in bringing “peace and life eternal”. Although I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to have the complete, restored priesthood and organization of God, any organization involved in bringing peace and life eternal is part of the Church of the Lamb of God. This includes so many organizations, and I rejoice in their efforts. I want my kids to be involved in as many of these organizations as possible, and have appreciation for the good in all churches.
2) It does not say that there are followers of Satan, but it mentions a “great and abominable church” who is founded by the devil and works to bring captivity unto the children of men.
I have thought a lot about the choices I have made under the influence of my family, friends, church leaders, and the spirit. If it weren’t for these influences I do not think I would have been able to be where I am at today. I would have chosen an uncertain and different path. The choices I did make have allowed me to be free from captivity. It is easy to see how the Word of Wisdom frees us from captivity in the addictions of  Tobacco and Alcohol, but my parents also raised us not to drink caffeine and to avoid addictive substances in general. I was also encouraged to get an education, which has opened many opportunities for me, and has led me directly to my current career. As a father, I still fall short on so many levels, but If I had addictions on top of my current weaknesses I think it would make it harder. My phone is perhaps an addiction that is distracting me, I need to do better there.
3) Repentance is the way out of captivity, and Satan will not uphold his people in the end. The works of captivity are digging holes that will be filled by those who dug them. The fallacy of corruption and injustice is that it serves one group over another, but in reality, it leads to “destruction, both temporally and spiritually”

I want to break the cycle by teaching my kids to recognize good and promote and be a part of it, and recognize evil and understand and shun it.

1 Ne 11:22 “the Love of God”

In 1 Nephi 11:22 Says the “love of God...is the most desirable above all other things”, yet if you took a poll of what people desired most I doubt that the Love of God would be at the top of the list. I tried to find if anyone had done this poll with a quick google search and couldn’t find anything substantial. But my guess is beyond the basic needs of life (food, shelter, clothing, health), people probably just want to be happy. In I Nephi 11:23 is says that the love of God is “the most joyous to the soul”, which sounds like it is pretty desirable to me.
I think that the “love of God” is manifest in a variety of ways. I think most people desire to be understood, appreciated, supported, and considered. People desire trust, consistency, and connection. The “love of God” provides is a manifestation of these desires for individuals regardless of what people have offended or hurt them. The “love of God” can provide assurance and hope to anyone anywhere, but where I would think it is most efficacious is when a person feels otherwise alone, discourage, depressed, or hurt. You can always have access to the “love of God”

”They Shall be Blessed”

In verse 2 of 1 Nephi 14 a prophecy is made concerning the Gentiles that “they shall be a blessed people upon the promised land forever”. I have actually been thinking about what it means to receive blessings and be blessed and the deeper question of “why”. I feel that I am living in a time where this prophecy is being fulfilled, and I am one of many people who are “blessed”.
When I was younger I used to wonder why I was given so much in this life. My feelings of gratitude for my family, my faith, my health overwhelmed me sometimes. I would compare the ease and opportunities in my life to the lack of such in other people of the world. I didn’t understand what I did to deserve a more fortunate circumstance than the billions of people born into poverty, ignorance, subjection, or misery. I kept wanting to point to some logical cause and effect, and although I feel there are some answers to that question, I was mostly left with more questions on the lack of justice and fairness of it all.
Recently I have felt enlightened on a new perspective of my “blessings”. My thoughts on this are not neceassarily new, but have felt more real as I have grown older and am in a different stage of life. My line of thinking as a young man was focused on the past and what led to my current state. For much of my life I also thought little of the future, or when I did think of the future it was only in chunks (what college am I going to go to, when I get married, what do I want to be when I grow up). But now I have mostly arrived at the points where I had been focused for so long (marriage, children, career), and I am more focused on what I am going to accomplish now that I have arrived than the journey of how to get there.
So with that new line of thinking I realize that my “blessings” have put me in a position where I can help and influence others. I have always known that service is important and have enjoyed opportunities to help in whatever capacity I can, but now it feels more fundamental. Now it feels like this is the purpose of my very existence. This has been a very liberating line of thinking for me. Regardless of how I got here, I am here. And now I can look at injustice, a lack of fairness, poverty, ignorance, subjection, and even misery as an opportunity to serve, to help, to enlighten, to bless the lives of others in whatever way possible. I truly feel “blessed” and that brings me joy, but it doesn’t stop there, my blessings were meant to serve and help others and that is what I hope to do with the rest of my life as a husband, father, professor, friend, member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, neighbor, acquaintance, researcher, stranger, and person of this world.

I am back!

I just finished reading The Book of Mormon again, and although I enjoyed it and felt spiritually enlightened in many instances while reading, most of the time I was thoughtlessly prodding through words with very little thought and reflection. It is time for me to renew this blog, if nothing more for the opportunity to gain more insights and reflections into my life. So after a few year hiatus, I am going to pick up where I left off at 1 Nephi 14.