The power of choice

I have an idea of what I want when I think of the future for my children. I have expectations of how they will act, what careers they will choose, and hope they will be active participants in their faith. I wish I could see their futures, and help warn them of their future mistakes. I have a perspective that may be dated, but also comes from experiences that I know will help them. I am trying to teach them good habits, attitudes, and develop a relationship that will be helpful to them long after they leave the house.

BUT, what if they choose an entirely different path. What if they make choices that are unhealthy, irresponsible, and draw themselves away from me? It is these fears that makes me want to have more control over them. The world is a scary place that can lead to sorrow and misery, if only I could get into their bodies and help out a little bit, then they could truly be happy.

Well, that thinking is obviously impossible, naive, and perhaps harmful. I will always love my children, but I need to be prepared to love them and be a place of comfort for them even if they make unhealthy and irresponsible choices. I need to be able to trust their ability to choose, and let them know I am a safe space for them to come to regardless of theirs choices. And even if I could go through and make their choices for them, it would have no real effect on them. Making choices is the most fundamental part of being human, or being a child of God. If our choices are made for us, we have no ability to derive any sort of growth. Choices must be our own, and as much as I want to help them, giving them choice is the only way they can learn.

I wish I could sit down with Lehi while he was on his death bed as described in Chapter 1-3 of 2 Nephi and get his perspective on the disparate choices made by his sons. We get a glimpse of his feelings in these chapters as he states “it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things”,  “Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself”, “men are, that they might have joy”, and “men...are free to choose liberty and eternal life...or to choose captivity and death”. Lehi recognized the importance of choice in his posterity and ultimately prophesied and bestowed blessings to his posterity based on their choices. It must have been difficult for him to see his children make choices that caused conflict and division, but he recognized everyone needs to choose for themselves. Coercion and force do not bring happiness, only choice can do that.