Mothers 1 Ne 11:15-20

My church is often seen as patriarchal centered, and many view it as sexist, because only men are allowed to hold the priesthood. Although, I have questioned this at times, I think my concerns were well addressed by Elder Dallin H. Oak's talk given in April of 2014. Furthermore I feel that their are many examples of the respect and love mother's and women are given in the gospel of Jesus Christ. 1 Nephi 11 shows another example of that.

Nephi asked to see the vision of his Father. The first thing he sees is "the mother of the Son of God" -1Ne 11:18-. There are many other examples where a woman was placed first. The first one to see the resurrected Christ was Mary Magdalene. Eve was the first to partake of the fruit. Many people see this as a mistake, but I feel that Eve had foresight beyond Adam, and knew that the only way to have true joy would be to be faced with opposition. During his ministry, Christ used women as examples of devotion, love, and forgiveness, such as the widow's mite, the woman at the well, and the woman accused of adultery.

Nephi was shown the mother of Christ, and the birth of the savior before anything else, and Christ's reverence to women, should be exemplified in my life. The well-being of my wife is my first priority, and for many reasons. Nothing compares to the sacrifice a woman goes through to bring children into this world. I have been fortunate to see my wife selflessly go through pregnancy and childbirth multiple times. My best efforts to help her did little to ease her pain and discomfort, I do not know how I would handle such drastic changes to my body (just imagining it seems crazy!). Yet my wife did it, and through her selfless love has fulfilled one of my lifelong dreams to become a father. I am nothing without her.

As men can do little to help a woman's pain and discomfort during pregnancy (although we, as husbands, should try our best), women deserve every comfort a man can offer, especially as a father. Which is why I think that when I am around the kids with my wife, no matter how long a day I have had at work or whatever my ailments, she should not have to take turns with me changing diapers, putting kids to bed, or whatever family responsibilities are left for the day. She is a mother all day, she was pregnant for 9 months, I can be a father the rest of the evening, and after the kids are in bed, then I can be her husband, and nothing could make me happier.

This past mother's day I made these certificates and presented them to my wife. Now to follow through!

This post was centered on the actions of my wife as a mother which is only one of the many mother's that have influenced my life. My respect and love for my own mother is another subject that begs eternal respect and praise. How do you honor the women in your life? 

"I do not know the meaning of all things" 1 Ne 11:17

Before Nephi was shown the vision that his father saw he was asked a few questions. Some questions that Nephi had an answer for, and some questions that he did not. One of the questions that he was asked has made me think and ponder on multiple occasions.

"Knowest thou the condescension of God?" -1 Ne 11:16- 

What has confused me about this phrase is the juxtaposition of the words condescension and God. the word condescension has a negative tone to me, as it is usually used to describe someone's prideful actions, and God has a positive and loving connotation to me, so initially the phrase does not make sense to me. But if you think of the position of God as a perfect being who interacts with imperfect humans that he loves, it is a condescension. So in other words, I think the question is saying "Why do you think God interacts with souls that are imperfect, what does God do for his imperfect children".

Having made sense of that phrase Nephi's response is what strikes me as an important lesson for me as a father. 

"I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things" -1 Ne 11:17-

Nephi expresses his imperfect knowledge while addressing a fundamental truth; that he knows his Father in Heaven loves him. I feel that God, in many instances, has given me a taste of his love for me in blessing me with children. I have a relationship with my children, and my father, that is similar to my relationship with my Father in Heaven. Although I am far from perfect, I definitely have more experience and insights on life than my children, and I want to pass on my knowledge to my children so they can have the best chances of happiness. I know that much of my advice will go unnoticed and unappreciated by my children, but what I think will be most beneficial and important for my children is to know that I love them. With limited understanding kids often don't see the importance of rules, traditions, or simple instructions, but they can always understand that their father loves them.

So how are my kids going to know that I love them? How can I do better in showing and expressing love? These are the simplest and first ideas that come to mind.

Say "I love you" in a meaningful way

Play with them

Go on outings

One-on-one interaction

Serve and help others together

Talk to them as an equal

Explain why 

Have patience

Apologize

Forgive

Anything you can think of?

"I believe all the words of my father"

Nephi believed "all of the words of [his] father -1 Ne 11:5-, but still desired to see what his father saw. This really opens up a lot of questions for me about what Nephi was thinking. He believed, but he wanted to SEE. I don't know what his motives were, was he just curious? Did he just want to know what his father saw? Did he just want more detail? Whatever the reason, he was given another reason as to why he would see a vision; to bear witness of Jesus Christ.

I also wonder about this father and son relationship between Lehi and Nephi. Why did Nephi believe his father? Why did Laman and Lemuel not believe. I assume they all heard the same things from Lehi, what was the difference? I think the difference was the desire of the children. Just as Nephi wanted to see the vision his father saw, Laman and Lamuel, we learn later, did not even bother to ask what anything meant. I want my kids to ask questions and seek out answers on their own, but we first have to give them something to think about. I am going to share more of my experiences with my children. I can recall many experiences from my mother, including her conversion story. I heard my father speak in church probably close to 100 times. Without even thinking about it, these stories and experiences were probably what caused me to ask in prayer like Nephi and "desire to behold the things which my father (and mother) saw".

Generations of Christ

1 Nephi Chapter 10

Although Lehi's dream is probably Lehi's better known prophecies, he also prophesied about the life and ministry of Christ including when he would be born (verse 4), where he would be baptized (verse 9) and whom should baptizie him (verse 10), his mission as a savior of the world (verse 4, and 10).

The most important thing we can teach our children is that they have a savior that can help them repent and be clean, and is our ultimate exemplar. To do this we can use analogies, stories, life experiences, the scriptures, etc. but it all boils down to we being imperfect sons and daughters of God, need help to return to him. We all make mistakes so this is an easy lesson to repeat, and our children will see us when we use the atonement, and when we don't.

I have always wanted kids. Being a father has fulfilled that desire for me. I have looked forward to the days when I can play catch and teach my kids how to ride a bike, and those have been very fulfilling experiences, but I couldn't ask for a better feeling than when I see my children learn and apply gospel principles.

For a wise purpose...which purpose I know not.

1 Nephi Chapter 9

Nephi made two sets of plates. One for the spiritual ministry of his people, and one for the historical record. He also included many of the things that were already in his Father's plates (the plates of Lehi). To Nephi, this seemed redundant, and he was not given an explanation as to why. But he obeyed the promptings he received and followed them.

Nephi had complete trust in his Heavenly Father. It is a blessing that our Heavenly Father is consistent and reliable and will never ask us to do something that is not good for us. Nephi fulfilled the commandments he had been given even when he didn't understand why he was doing it. This is a perfect example of trust.

I would love to have the same relationship with my children that Nephi has with God. And I think my kids do trust me quite a bit, but they often do not want to do something unless they know the reason behind it. Sometimes this leads to a lot of perusading them to just do what I ask already. But I find instructions are most effective when I also explain why I need them fulfilled. Maybe this is why Nephi trusted both Lehi and God so much. He had done this so many times before and they had always done what is best for him. More explaining to my kids why I ask them to do certain things will do 3 things: expose my true motives to myself, allow them to understand why they are doing what they are doing, and gain trust that whatever I ask them to do it will be in their interest to be happy and safe.

A vision

Lehi's dream is a beautiful metaphorical vision that Lehi had and shared with his family found in 1 Nephi 8. It is filled with beautiful analogies that bring to life many principles of living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

What I was impressed with beyond the analogies was the language and manner in which the dream was related to Lehi and then to the children of Lehi. The message given from God, our Heavenly Father, to Lehi was done through a dream. The symbolism in the dream was not complex or hidden, but yet wasn't spelled out in complete detail either. It was the perfect guidance that both tested the willingness and humility of Lehi, and yet provided instruction and encouragement for the benefit of those who made an effort to understand.

As a father my instructions to my children sometimes lack the perfect balance that Lehi's dream illustrates. With small children it is sometimes hard to give any instruction except for direct commands, yet there comes a point where those commands become demeaning and patronizing. Metaphors, like the ones used in Lehi's dream are tools that can provide the balance needed to provide complete instructions. They will also stick better in the minds of children, and test their ability to figure it out on their own. I am going to try and attach a story or metaphor to the instructions given to my children more often.

One are of instruction I think this would be particularly helpful with is in chores. Right now, my children are only motivated to do their chores if there is some reward involved. But I think a better and more consistent motivation would be to instill a sense of duty and hope they understand their ability to help the whole family through their chores. What are some good metaphors I could use for that?

Going back for the ladies

So after getting the plates, Lehi receives another vision and they need to go back....but this time you didn't hear any complaints from Laman and Lemuel because they were going back to persuade Ishmael and his family to come with them, and Ishmael had daughters that they could marry. Even though this positive motivation led to an easy departure and they were successful in convincing Ishmael and his family to come with them, Laman and Lemuel were still able to stir up a few people into rebellion against Nephi. Now that Laman and Lemuel had what they wanted they decided they wanted to go back to Jerusalem. I guess they were sick of living in the wilderness taking orders from their younger brother and father. This time Nephi had to use paersuasive negative motivation to keep them from going back to Jerusalem. First, he reminded them that they had seen an angel, and had miraculously taken the brass plates. Then he gave them some positive motivation by explaining that the Lord had promised them a "land of promise". Finally he reminded them that Jerusalem was going to be destroyed, the people wanted to imprison his father (Lehi), and ultimately they would be destroyed with Jerusalem if they returned.

So how do you think they took it? Well, they decided to bind him up and leave him for dead in the wilderness, and only stopped when others begged for them to stop.

Ok, so that was a little bit of a long summary, but I wanted to point out that Laman, Lemuel, and Nephi for that matter were all motivated in different ways. I feel like I am constantly trying to motivate my children to choose the right. I have heard countless strategies for teaching children to behave, including both positive and negative rewards or punishments. I have tried many different strategies as well, and some of them work, some of them don't. But I think we need to realize that our children are still children and we can expect them to know what to do and how to react to every situation, and they are not going to make the right decision all the time. They are going to need constant reminding of positive experiences and both positive and negative consequences, and sometimes they are going to need a bit of pleading. The hardest part is not getting frustrated and angry and maintaining a patient attitude.

I think it also helps to be reminded that the simple indiscretions of my children are not much different from my own mistakes. I am constantly making the same mistakes despite the positive and negative associations with my opportunities to do better or worse. I know those around me have had to exercise their share of patience as I have struggled through making the right choices. And I know that my Heavenly Father has given me a continual stream of second chances as I have made mistakes despite constant reminders of the blessings of choosing the right.