I have not physically lost a child. I do have friends who have experienced the heartache of the death, stillborn birth, or miscarriage of a child, and their grief is an enduring pain which I cannot fully understand. I have also witnessed friends and family experience spiritual death due to choices that have separated them from Christ. I have felt what that separation feels like, and strive to avoid that in my daily choices. It would be very hard for me to see my own children also make those same choices, although I feel the most important thing for my children is that they are good people. I want them to love their neighbor, and I know it is my responsibility to allow them to know God. Ultimately, however, I know that the choice to follow God is theirs to make.
2 Nephi 10:2 are words of Jacob as he is reflecting his posterity. He “has been shown” that many of his children will not believe in God “nevertheless, God will be merciful unto many”. How merciful will God be to the unbelievers? That is a question that may be impossible to fully understand, but I would hope that if a person still chooses to “love thy neighbor” while being less focused on their belief in God is still living according to the light and knowledge that they have. Some of the most thoughtful, loving, and wonderful people I know are atheist or agnostic, and I admire them for their examples. I feel they will be of the people that “God will be merciful unto many.”
Sunday, September 22, 2019
Sunday, September 15, 2019
2 Ne 9 - To be learned
When can knowledge lead to foolishness? When can knowledge lead to wisdom? Being in academia knowledge is a constant pursuit and I am surrounded by others who are also career learners. 2 Ne 9:28-29 specifically addresses the “foolishness of men”. Learning coupled with pride inflates egos and “profiteth them not”. “But to be learned is good if they hearten unto the counsels of God.”
I have a few things figured out when it comes to parenting. I would like to emphasize the word FEW. Those few things that I do understand and do well are also specific to me, my family, and the few children I have in the particular age in which they are developing with their specific personality, and my specific personality. There is a tendency for me to think, however, that sometimes I know how to parent better than others. That I have it all figured out. That my experience, learning, and knowledge make me better at this than other people and I look around with an eye of judgement and superiority at other fathers.
But then I go home and spend more than 10 minutes with my children and I make at least 10 mistakes, going against my own superior knowledge, as my children crack through my weaknesses and I fall apart. This leads to apologies and long talks and calm prayers, thoughts, and breaks till I accept my place as a “foolish” father. I don’t have it figured out, I need help, and I need to approach every attempt with such humility or I will be ineffective at any pursuit.
2 Nephi 9:30 talks about those who are “rich as to the things of the world”. Luckily I don’t really have to worry about that :)
I have a few things figured out when it comes to parenting. I would like to emphasize the word FEW. Those few things that I do understand and do well are also specific to me, my family, and the few children I have in the particular age in which they are developing with their specific personality, and my specific personality. There is a tendency for me to think, however, that sometimes I know how to parent better than others. That I have it all figured out. That my experience, learning, and knowledge make me better at this than other people and I look around with an eye of judgement and superiority at other fathers.
But then I go home and spend more than 10 minutes with my children and I make at least 10 mistakes, going against my own superior knowledge, as my children crack through my weaknesses and I fall apart. This leads to apologies and long talks and calm prayers, thoughts, and breaks till I accept my place as a “foolish” father. I don’t have it figured out, I need help, and I need to approach every attempt with such humility or I will be ineffective at any pursuit.
2 Nephi 9:30 talks about those who are “rich as to the things of the world”. Luckily I don’t really have to worry about that :)
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
2 Nephi 7:1
THIS is the attitude that we need to have with our children. “Yea, for thus saith the Lord: Have I put thee away, or have I cast thee off forever? For thus saith the Lord: Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement? To whom have I put thee away, or to which of my creditors have I sold you? Yea, to whom have I sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away.”
We need to be available to our children no matter what they do, much like our Heavenly Father is available to us no matter what we do. That does not mean he condones our bad behavior or that he does not let us have consequences. As a child of God I feel fully supported in my righteous decisions and encourage to do something about my unrighteous ones.
Questions for reflections of parenting:
Do our children feel safe sharing their mistakes with us as parents?
Do our children know that they can mess up and still be loved?
How do you react to your child’s mistakes?
Do you pattern correct behavior for your children?
Are children allowed to ask why? And do you seek for them to understand?
Do your children understand boundaries, consequences, goals, set backs, failure, success, practice, patience?
Are you willing to admit to your children when you have made mistakes? Do you apologize to them?
Do your children know you love them?
We need to be available to our children no matter what they do, much like our Heavenly Father is available to us no matter what we do. That does not mean he condones our bad behavior or that he does not let us have consequences. As a child of God I feel fully supported in my righteous decisions and encourage to do something about my unrighteous ones.
Questions for reflections of parenting:
Do our children feel safe sharing their mistakes with us as parents?
Do our children know that they can mess up and still be loved?
How do you react to your child’s mistakes?
Do you pattern correct behavior for your children?
Are children allowed to ask why? And do you seek for them to understand?
Do your children understand boundaries, consequences, goals, set backs, failure, success, practice, patience?
Are you willing to admit to your children when you have made mistakes? Do you apologize to them?
Do your children know you love them?
Thursday, August 29, 2019
2 Nephi 6: Learn and Glorify God
JAcob picks up the dialogue in chapter 6 as Nephi passes the torch to his younger brother to be the spiritual leader of the Nephites. He decides to share with the people words of Isaiah that his people “may learn and glorify the name of your God”. I love the attitude he has with the scriptures which can be difficult for our children to understand, grasp, and apply to their lives. I love the new “Come, Follow Me” program from the Church because it gives a platform that everyone can relate to from children to groups of adults. It has made out scripture study more significant as a family, and I have enjoyed the discussions during Sunday School at Church.
I also really enjoy listening and reading words of the prophets from General Conference. Their ability to interpret the scriptures and provide experiences and application and interpretation of the scriptures. Using their words has definitely made me a better father, husband, and person.
I also really enjoy listening and reading words of the prophets from General Conference. Their ability to interpret the scriptures and provide experiences and application and interpretation of the scriptures. Using their words has definitely made me a better father, husband, and person.
Sunday, August 25, 2019
2 Nephi 5: Lessons for Peace
Nephi endured a lot. I don’t know if and when he thought he would be able to find peace, but even after settling the new land, his brother still sought to kill him, and he was only able to find peace once he left them. Unfortunately there was nothing left for him to do with his brothers and his only option was separation. But, it seems that the separation he made finally allowed him the peace that he needed. 2 Nephi 5 then has a few lessons for peace that I thought were also important to being a Father and husband
1) Walk away from conflict. I have found that when my children become irrational, upset, and beyond able to control their emotions any attempt to offer them advice, correction, or help is ineffective. At these points it is better for them to just be separate, much like Nephi found that he had to finally separate himself from his brothers.
2) Obedience to the commandments. Nephi continued to “observe to keep the judgments, and the statues, and the commandments of the Lord in all things”. A pattern of turning away from these things often occurs in moments of peace. Do not relax your relationship with the things of God when things are peaceful, maintain and continue to do the things which have brought you where you are.
3) Make a defense for your enemies. Perhaps not literally, but there are many spiritual enemies that will take advantage of times of peace. Always be mindful of your weaknesses and the danger that lurks not far behind any circumstance of peace. If we become relaxed and let our guard down, we can be spiritually weak.
4) Work. Idle hands are a devils workshop. In our world today we have continual increase of leisure time. What we do with it is important. Work can mean a number of things: practicing an instrument, sport, or talent, getting a job, doing house projects and chores, doing service. As children and parents let us often find ourselves working together.
5) The temple. Nephi built a temple. I don’t think I will ever be asked to build a temple. My duty will only be to attend. As we have times of peace, we should have more opportunity to attend the temple and be reminded of our covenants while seeking revelation. I know that I have received many promptings in the temple that have improved my family life.
1) Walk away from conflict. I have found that when my children become irrational, upset, and beyond able to control their emotions any attempt to offer them advice, correction, or help is ineffective. At these points it is better for them to just be separate, much like Nephi found that he had to finally separate himself from his brothers.
2) Obedience to the commandments. Nephi continued to “observe to keep the judgments, and the statues, and the commandments of the Lord in all things”. A pattern of turning away from these things often occurs in moments of peace. Do not relax your relationship with the things of God when things are peaceful, maintain and continue to do the things which have brought you where you are.
3) Make a defense for your enemies. Perhaps not literally, but there are many spiritual enemies that will take advantage of times of peace. Always be mindful of your weaknesses and the danger that lurks not far behind any circumstance of peace. If we become relaxed and let our guard down, we can be spiritually weak.
4) Work. Idle hands are a devils workshop. In our world today we have continual increase of leisure time. What we do with it is important. Work can mean a number of things: practicing an instrument, sport, or talent, getting a job, doing house projects and chores, doing service. As children and parents let us often find ourselves working together.
5) The temple. Nephi built a temple. I don’t think I will ever be asked to build a temple. My duty will only be to attend. As we have times of peace, we should have more opportunity to attend the temple and be reminded of our covenants while seeking revelation. I know that I have received many promptings in the temple that have improved my family life.
Thursday, August 22, 2019
2 Nephi 4
Nephi laments his sins, yet has confidence in his abilities through the atonement. Nothing has made me feel more helpless and humbled than having children. I have always wanted kids, And I have enjoyed being a father, but my idea of how fatherhood was going to be vs. how fatherhood actually is, has been starkly different. What has been the most humbling for me has been trying to affect the behavior of my children. In large part I have felt helpless in my attempts to have a major influence on what my children do. I would like to be able to get an immediate response from my every command, and have total respect from my children for my attempts to help them navigate through life, but I realize now, that does not allow for agency. In my frustrations I have quick to anger, I have overreacted, and lost my patience. None of these things has ever helped any situation with my children, and I feel like saying “Oh wretched man that I am”. I need to rely more on my savior to help with the challenges of raising my children.
Monday, July 29, 2019
The power of choice
I have an idea of what I want when I think of the future for my children. I have expectations of how they will act, what careers they will choose, and hope they will be active participants in their faith. I wish I could see their futures, and help warn them of their future mistakes. I have a perspective that may be dated, but also comes from experiences that I know will help them. I am trying to teach them good habits, attitudes, and develop a relationship that will be helpful to them long after they leave the house.
BUT, what if they choose an entirely different path. What if they make choices that are unhealthy, irresponsible, and draw themselves away from me? It is these fears that makes me want to have more control over them. The world is a scary place that can lead to sorrow and misery, if only I could get into their bodies and help out a little bit, then they could truly be happy.
Well, that thinking is obviously impossible, naive, and perhaps harmful. I will always love my children, but I need to be prepared to love them and be a place of comfort for them even if they make unhealthy and irresponsible choices. I need to be able to trust their ability to choose, and let them know I am a safe space for them to come to regardless of theirs choices. And even if I could go through and make their choices for them, it would have no real effect on them. Making choices is the most fundamental part of being human, or being a child of God. If our choices are made for us, we have no ability to derive any sort of growth. Choices must be our own, and as much as I want to help them, giving them choice is the only way they can learn.
I wish I could sit down with Lehi while he was on his death bed as described in Chapter 1-3 of 2 Nephi and get his perspective on the disparate choices made by his sons. We get a glimpse of his feelings in these chapters as he states “it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things”, “Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself”, “men are, that they might have joy”, and “men...are free to choose liberty and eternal life...or to choose captivity and death”. Lehi recognized the importance of choice in his posterity and ultimately prophesied and bestowed blessings to his posterity based on their choices. It must have been difficult for him to see his children make choices that caused conflict and division, but he recognized everyone needs to choose for themselves. Coercion and force do not bring happiness, only choice can do that.
BUT, what if they choose an entirely different path. What if they make choices that are unhealthy, irresponsible, and draw themselves away from me? It is these fears that makes me want to have more control over them. The world is a scary place that can lead to sorrow and misery, if only I could get into their bodies and help out a little bit, then they could truly be happy.
Well, that thinking is obviously impossible, naive, and perhaps harmful. I will always love my children, but I need to be prepared to love them and be a place of comfort for them even if they make unhealthy and irresponsible choices. I need to be able to trust their ability to choose, and let them know I am a safe space for them to come to regardless of theirs choices. And even if I could go through and make their choices for them, it would have no real effect on them. Making choices is the most fundamental part of being human, or being a child of God. If our choices are made for us, we have no ability to derive any sort of growth. Choices must be our own, and as much as I want to help them, giving them choice is the only way they can learn.
I wish I could sit down with Lehi while he was on his death bed as described in Chapter 1-3 of 2 Nephi and get his perspective on the disparate choices made by his sons. We get a glimpse of his feelings in these chapters as he states “it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things”, “Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself”, “men are, that they might have joy”, and “men...are free to choose liberty and eternal life...or to choose captivity and death”. Lehi recognized the importance of choice in his posterity and ultimately prophesied and bestowed blessings to his posterity based on their choices. It must have been difficult for him to see his children make choices that caused conflict and division, but he recognized everyone needs to choose for themselves. Coercion and force do not bring happiness, only choice can do that.
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